Cabaret is an American musical with music by John Kander (1927), lyrics by Fred Ebb (1928-2004) and book by Joe Masteroff (1919-2018).  The musical is based on the play I am a Camera (1951) by John Van Druten (1901-1957), which itself was based on the novel Goodbye to Berlin (1939) by Christopher Isherwood (1904-1986). The principal female character, Sally Bowles, was based on the young Englishwoman, Jean Ross (1911-1973). 

-oOo-The Havoc that Misery, Gloom & Despair can cause

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Somehow I arrived at my front door and put the key in the lock, turned it and then carefully opened it.  Sadly, no nose came poking out, no pair of eyes followed by a head that began pushing open the door. Casanova/Puppy loved to run out of the house in excitement and then run back inside! This in-and-out behaviour was repeated three or four times before I was allowed to get in the house. I took this activity to mean that he was pleased to see me!

Once this ritual was complete, he would ignore me, returning to his cool demeanour, and trout off to inspect the garden or sit on the porch pretending to pay me no attention at all!

Mr. Cool disliked having his photograph taken

Casanova/Puppy never liked to show the demonstrative side of his nature and preferred to appear disinterested, especially when it came to me. But in spite of his apparent coolness, he was fond of me and very protective.

I am told that he would show his affection for me by his excitement whenever I was returning home after leaving him at my neighbour’s house when I had to run an errand. Often he would stand at the fence, watching up the street, looking for me. I am told that he would always get very excited when he thought (or apparently sensed)  I was coming back. When I was close to the house, if he was inside my neighbour’s house, he would run into the garden and gallop back and forth along her fence until I was within eyesight. At this point, he would once again appear to lose interest in me and take off into the garden with only an occasional glance back at me, as if to say, oh, you’re back! I hadn’t notice you had gone! Mr. Cool! But later, once home, he would allow me to stroke and pet him, and he would lick my hands and legs, and when he could, my face. Sadly none of these wonderful events would every happen again.

Perhaps the real Mr. Cool might like to turn around

Stephan Michael Sechi – Mr Cool

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I went inside the house and Gloom and Misery greeted me. I looked at the tidy empty couch and felt a sudden pang of sadness. I went into the kitchen and saw Casanova/Puppy’s empty water and food bowls on the floor. I wandered into the other rooms. The house was silent and, like the couch, empty. I felt lost. I did not know what to do. Suddenly Despair was there, to join his friends.

Empty Bowls

The ache in my heart became suddenly more intense. I felt dreadful. I sat down. I had no interest in anything! As I sat I dared to wonder how long this feeling was going to last. Little did I know that it certainly was not going to go for a good while yet, and if at all! I realised that Loneliness had arrived to join his friends, Gloom, Misery & Despair!

Don Gibson (1928-2003) – Oh Lonesome Me (1957)

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The first day without Casanova/Puppy proved to be endless. I did not feel like eating and I could not sleep. I was unable to concentrate on anything. Nothing interested me. I just sat and looked into space and thought of my wonderful dog. My confused thoughts were punctuated with short burst of tears that rolled down my cheeks. I had never felt so miserable and lacked the energy to do anything about it.

Nothing had changed by the time I went to bed. I suffered an uneasy sleep and often thought that I heard Casanova/Puppy walking around the house. But of course, this wasn’t the case – was it?

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I was glad to get up very early. I wandered into the kitchen and made some coffee and took a cup outside onto the front porch and sat down. I don’t know how long I sat there, but when I came to my senses, the coffee was cold and the sun had come up over the horizon. It looked like a nice day again, but I had no interest. The birds were happy and singing their dawn chorus. The squirrels were out on the lawn or else chasing each other and scrambling up the trees. I was gripped in the arms of my tormenters, Gloom, Misery & Despair together with Loneliness and found that I could not settle anywhere. And I knew that it was going to be another difficult day and that life would not get easier for some time …… if ever!

Don Gibson (1928-2003) – Blue Blue Day (1958)

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On Friday mornings, I was in the habit of listening to a particular Radio Station in the South of England. I enjoyed listening to two hours of vintage Rock ‘n’ Roll. Casanova/Puppy would lay on the floor and I liked to believe that he listened along with me.  I convinced myself that he had a preference for the music of Fats Domino and often requested some particular tune for him to be played during one of these shows.  The presenters were very considerate and played a number of tunes for him (and me). On the first Friday after Casanova/Puppy had gone I contacted the Radio Station and told them of his passing and they agreed to play a final Fats Domino tune specifically in his memory.

Fats Domino & His Band as they appeared in the film, (Disc Jockey) Jamboree (1957)

Fats Domino (1928-2017) – Wait and See (1957)

I listened to the tune and could not help but weep a little. I was very grateful for this final request.

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Over the days after Casanova/Puppy’s passing, I received a number of cards and emails from friends and from others that had read some of my stories about him. Each person  expressed their condolences and regret at his passing. I also received flowers and a card from Chewy, the company where I used to purchase his food. In addition, I received a wonderful canvas shopping bag with Casanova/Puppy image on it.

A Shopping Bag to treasure ordained with the image of Casanova/Puppy

A Condolence Card from a good friend

A Condolence Card from a good friend

Flowers and Card from Chewy

A Condolence Card from the Staff of Cross Creek Animal Hospital in Fayetteville, N.C.

Paws & Nose Prints provided by the Cross Creek Animal Hospital

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I had decided to have Casanova/Puppy cremated and about a week after his passing, I received his ages.  I had chosen a dark brown wooden box to contain his ashes with a window on one of its sides to hold a photograph of him. In addition, I was sent a Plaster of Paris Cast of one of his front paw print.

Casanova/Puppy’s Urn
Top Left: Top of The Urn; Bottom Left: Under surface of Urn
Right: Front of The Urn

Casanova/Puppy’s Paw Print (Left) & Certificate of Cremation (Right)

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Over the last couple of years, I had suffered the loss of a number of friends and went through numerous mourning periods. However, as much as I liked these people, my grief for them was in no way compatible to that felt for Casanova/Puppy. I felt guilty about this and asked people that had suffered the loss of a beloved pet and was very surprised to learn that the depth of their grief was immense and that they had felt exactly as I was feeling. I was told that Time Was The Only Healer and although I would never be completely over his loss, I would gradually begin to feel better.

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I couldn’t believe how miserable I felt during those early days. My heart ached from grief. Nothing would ease the pain. I continued to try to led my life, but all I was really doing was going through the motions. I felt no pleasure, no enjoyment at all. I felt as if I was moving through a fog!

My behaviour shocked me. I hadn’t realised how much the loss of a pet could affect one. But then, Casanova/Puppy was not just a pet. He was a great friend – a trusted companion who had never let me down.

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These miserable days passed somehow and turned into weeks and suddenly a month had passed since Casanova/Puppy’s passing and I was feeling no better.

The Fiestas – Last Night I Dreamed (1957)

I continued to sleep poorly during this time of grief and would often wake in the dead of night and remained restless until I was able to slip back into a less than peaceful sleep.  One night, I awoke, and was in one such state where I was perhaps more asleep than awake. I remember suddenly seeing Casanova/Puppy. He looked happy and was looking directly at me. I noticed that he was standing next to a man dressed in a long white robe who was stroking him behind his ears. I recall that he looked very happy. I felt happy for him and was glad that he was not alone. And after an unknown period of time, I fell into a deep sleep.

The following morning, I awoke refreshed for the first time in days and suddenly realised that Casanova/Puppy was happy and with ……………….

Miles Davis (1926-1991) – Here Come da Honey Man
from the album, Porgy and Bess (1959) based on the Opera, Porgy and Bess (1935) by
George Gershwin (1898-1937). Ira Gershwin (1896-1983) and DuBose Heyward (1885-1940) 

I know who he is with, but I will allow the reader to draw their own conclusion. As for me, I am certain who he is with and I am happy for him. I felt content. I got up and realised that the fog was lifting. I had taken my first step to recovery and perhaps would soon be able to remember what joy was like.

The Spaniels – You Gave Me Peace of Mind (1956)

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Another month passed, and then another, and suddenly it was three months since Casanova/Puppy had gone. How was I feeling at this point? I have to admit that I feeling somewhat better than I did, but there was still that ache, although now less intense, but one that I knew would never entirely leave me.

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No matter the pain and misery caused by the loss of a dog, I have to admit that I have no regrets about having said YES when I was asked to have him come and live with me, as the joy given by him and shared with him were something very, very special and something not to be missed.

Scott Walker (1943-2019) – No Regrets (written by Tom Rush (1941) in 1968)

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A short time ago, I contacted the group of friends that had lost pets and asked them how they were.  I was amazed, as each one told me that they had got a new pet! Each said that they had gone to an Animal Rescue and found a new dog ……. just like that! Imagine? They each now had another dog! They said that their new dog brought them great joy and each noted that I did not intend to constantly compare the dog with their departed one.

As I said, I was amazed, as I could not think of ever having another dog. It would be too painful, I thought! Imagine suffering the loss of another dog at some time? I really could not face this ……. but, there again, could I?

The Beatles – Ob-La-Da, Ob-La-Di (1968)
From The White Album and written by John Lennon (1940-1980) & Paul McCartney (1942)

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Trees for Israel

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