Stories Of London

TWO YEARS ON

Al Bowlly  (1899-1941) – The Very Thought of You – Recorded in 1934
Written by Ray Noble (1903-1978)

July 25th, 2026 marked the second anniversary of Her Grace The Grand Duchess of Cumberland County’s coming to live in Fayetteville, North Carolina. Her Grace or Duchess, as I call her, is a delightful little dog who has definite ideas on what she wants and does not want! She is also very definite in what she will and will not tolerate! Despite being so definite and opinionated, I find her to be a joy.

One thing that can definitely be agreed upon regarding Her Grace is that she is beautiful. Everyone who meets her, or perhaps it is better to say, everyone who is presented to her concurs.

Johnny Mathis (1935) – You are beautiful (1958)
This song is from the Richard Rodgers (1902-1979) & Oscar Hammerstein II (1895-1960)
musical, Flower Drum Song produced on Broadway (1958) and the West End (1960) 

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Although Her Grace has a multitude of admirers, she amazingly seems to dislike everyone she meets. So many of her admirers gush and utter words such as cute to describe her obvious charm and beauty. I dislike the word cute very much when used in such instances! Call me grumpy, call me mean, call me what you will! But the word should be reserved for two-year old girls and not applied to fifteen-year old dogs, no matter how small they are! Her Grace is not a toy despite her size. Her Grace is a Lady, a Grand Dame, and has dignity! (Here I am being anthropomorphic!). She has great charm and she is beautiful, but not cute.

Photograph by Ms Pailee Helms

Oh! You Beautiful Doll – Billy Murray & American Quartet & Orchestra
Published in 1911 with Words by Albert Seymour Brown (1885–1947) and
Music by Nathaniel Davis Ayer (Nat) D. Ayer (1887–1952)

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Her Grace greets every knock at the front door or a ring of the bell with a cacophony of barks, which would send faint-hearted mortals off and running back along the garden path and out the gate seeking sanctuary!  When brave newcomers manage to come into her presence, they are greeted with additional chilling barks. These usually stop once she realises that she is not going to chase them away. Her Grace then moves to a spot when she is able to stand guard and where she is well able to refuse all attempts at pats on the head and strokes. Eventually she is ready to return to her own devices, but not before making it quite clear that she wants nothing to do with these interlopers who she expects to leave as soon as possible with hopes that they will quickly comply with her wishes! Sadly for her admirers, Her Grace proves to be the epitome of Xenophobia ……. however, there are some people that she dislikes more that others!

Why Don’t You Do Right? (Get Out of Here, Get Me Some Money Do)
Recorded in 1941 by Peggy Lee (1920-2002) & Benny Goodman (1909-1986) & His Orchestra

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Although Her Grace dislikes everyone she meets, it appears that there are several groups that seem to irk her the most: big dogs and women! Both groups bring out the worst in her! Of course it goes without saying that she also dislikes all cats and tolerates no squirrel especially those that dare to enter her garden ……. back or front!

When she meets a large dog, she begins to bark. This starts when she sees them at a distance. I presume her bark is evidently intended to frighten them off! Most dog walkers will have sense enough to avoid a confrontation with such a formidable opponent as Her Grace and turn down a side street thereby avoiding her wrath.  This is somewhat amusing since Her Grace is small, weighing a mere ten pounds (~4.54 Kilogrammes). However, although small in stature, she is fierce, a true Warrior Queen, and even chased away a racoon!

They Shall Not Pass

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However neither a large dog, nor a stray cat, nor a squirrel can bring forth from Her Grace the blood curdling barks that most women and, in particular, the ones that are induced when the Post Mistress comes to call!

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Fats Domino (1928-2017) – Don’t Come Knockin’ – Recorded in 1960

Casanova/Puppy disliked the Post Mistress with a passion and never warmed to her. For her part, she displayed no friendly gesture towards him either. Since I have never found her to be an affable person, I only ever made a cursory attempt to calm him and quieten his barks when she stopped at my house and stuffed my letters into the mailbox.

Her Grace has continued to carry the torch of dislike for the Post Mistress when she comes into the neighbourhood, Once she senses her presence in the distance, she immediately starts a cascade of blood curdling barks aimed in her and her tirade does not cease until her adversary is well down the street! Her Grace does not displace a dislike for any other Post Man or Woman!

English Post Mistress’ in 1914

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I DON’T LIKE WOMEN

I can not explain Her Grace’s dislike of women. It takes her a much longer time to habituate herself to women than men and her bark, when they are seen by her, seems more intense! One of my neighbours is a particularly nice lady and, to my mind, a great beauty. This poor woman is treated by Her Grace as her greatest enemy. I am always acutely embarrassed whenever they meet and I have to apologise  for Her Grace’s rudeness. Once we have returned home and are inside the house, Her Grace lets me know that she is annoyed with me and sulks. It takes several treats for normal behaviour to be resumed!

Someone told me that Her Grace’s dislike of people, and women in general, is a result jealous and a wish not to have to share my time with others since, according to her, ma raison d’être is to tend only to her needs! After all, I am her aide-de-camp! This perhaps is me being anthropomorphic again, although Her Grace’s behaviour does seem to fit this explanation!

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Bangers & Mash – Peter Sellers (1925-1980) & Sophia Loren (1934)
Written by Herbert Kretzmer (1825-2020) & Dave Lee (1926) in 1960

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Perhaps like most dogs (although I am sure that Her Grace would hate to be thought of being in a group with other dogs!), Her Grace has her likes and dislikes especially when it comes to her food. Once one has learned her preferences, she is easy to feed for Her Grace is a creature of habit when it comes to choice. She likes to wake up at 5 a.m., whereupon she will lift herself up and scratch at my bed to wake me.

Once I am up, Her Grace expects me to move quickly (not always easy at my age!) and allow her to go out into the front garden where she carefully inspects the perimeter by making her way slowly along the front fence. One of my neighbours goes off to work at 6 am and she likes to be present when he starts his car on older mornings. She greets the poor man each Monday to Friday with a cascade of barks! Naturally I am always embarrassed by this and try to silence her since my other neighbours have no risen yet. Naturally my neighbour ignores her.

Once Her Grace has relieved herself and realises, after much investigation, that there is nothing of importance going on in the street and is absolutely certain that there are no marauders in hiding and waiting to attack, she might consider coming back into the house. Occasionally she will notice the odd cat crossing further along the street on its way home, and she will bark to encourage the poor creature to make haste. Although Her Grace has only vision in one eye due to a huge Cataract in her left eye, she has remarkable distance vision and see or sense the smallest movement along the street.

When finally convinced there is no longer anything of interest to detain her, Her Grace will slowly and graciously walk back into towards the house. Here, she reminds me of the Princess Marina (1906-1968), the former Duchess of Kent making her way onto Centre Court at Wimbledon on Finals Day. Princess Marina had the habit of often stopping and talking to the Ball Boys that formed an honour guard for her to walk between. Naturally this simple act endeared the Princess to the crowd.

Left: Maureen Connolly (1944-1969) & Princess Marina; Right: Her Grace, The Grand Duchess

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Once back inside, she expects to be given a pre-breakfast treat – either a Blue Buffalo Bits, Chicken or Beef Recipe. Since Her Grace lost her teeth a number of years ago, I break the treat into three smaller pieces, which she is able to handle with ease.

This treat allows her to wait until 6.30 a.m. when Breakfast is Served. I was informed when Her Grace came to live with me that she enjoys Pedigree Ground Dinner – Chicken & Rice in a Meaty Juice. I was advised to serve her 90 grams each day, which I did for a while. However, once I started giving her a Light Lunch, I retained 15 grams to serve at that time. Since the meat is kept in the ‘fridge’, it needs to be crushed in order to help her eat it. This is done with the back of a spoon which she is allowed to lick clean.

I also crush half of a Cosequin tablet every other day, which is a calcium supplement intended to help her retain strong joints and bones. Finally, each day, I mix in one quarter teaspoon of Zetty Paws Wild Alasan Omega-3. This mixture is received by Her Grace with great joy and is devoured in all haste!

Although she is small, and looks dainty, which most of the time she is, however when her meal is presented to her, all delicacy and lady-like behaviour are cast-off and she takes on the role of a Banshee. She appears to be possessed as she flings herself into a wild fandango of a dance with a large leaps in this air. The dance continues with additional leaps, twists and turns until she is given the food. This demonstration is accompanied by sounds of pleasure emanating from her until she is allowed to dive into her bowl! This is quite a sight to see.

Billy Bland (1932-2017) – Let The Little Girl Dance
Written by Carl Spencer and Henry Glover (1921-1991)

Once her bowl is presented to her, it is attacked with the ferocity of the starved and its contents are gobbled up and devoured with much haste. Her Grace is decidedly a Gobbler(!) and needless to say, her breakfast, lunch and dinner are woofed-down in record time. She shows almost as much pleasure when offered a treat between meals!

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Lunch is fixed and presented to Her Grace between 1.15 p.m. and 1.30 p.m. and consists of 15 grams of Pedigree Ground Dinner – Chicken & Rice in a Meaty Juice, which is crushed with the back of a small spoon and which she is allowed to lick clean. Added to this is one small baby carrot that is chopped into tiny pieces, two of three florets of broccoli also chopped into small pieces and finally, some chopped fine green beans. I have only recently substituted the green beans in place of fine cauliflower since she turned her nose at it. I was loathed to try Her Grace with fine green beans since Casanova/Puppy always refused them. Her Grace proved to be quite the opposite and ate them up with great pleasure! After the vegetables are mixed well with the meat, the dish is presented to Her Grace who has jumped and danced until it arrives.

Joe Cocker (1944-2014) – Feelin’ Alright – Recorded in 1969
Written by Dave Mason (1946-2026)

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Following lunch, Her Grace enjoys a small Dessert which is a tiny ….  She then goes outside for a brief, but brisk, run around the front garden including a look for the presence of marauders and then returns to the house for an afternoon nap.

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Another thing Her Grace really enjoys is sleeping!

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Now let us consider Her Grace’s relationship with me, her aide-de-camp!

Photograph by Ms Pailee Helms

Nina Simone (1933-2003) – My Baby Just Cares For Me
Written by Walter Donaldson (1893-1947) & Gus Kahn (1886-1941)
Recorded in 1958 and Reissued in 1985 and 1987)

Although she does not bark at me unless I am slow in preparing her food(!), I never get the impression that Her Grace cares much for me either! So the song, My Baby Just Cares for Me, does not actually apply to our relationship. She does not seem to care for anyone in particular, which is somewhat odd, as dogs tend to be friendly and want a fuss to be made of them! Her Grace graciously allows me to stroke her under the chin, along the sides of her face (both sides) and behind her ears for short periods of time only! Once I stop petting, even for a second of two, she will walk away and remain out of arm’s reach positioning herself on the ground and sitting and looking away from me!

So the song tends to favour my feelings towards her rather than hers for me! As a result, I have written my own lyrics to this song, which now appear here and is retitled, My Baby Don’t Care for Me:

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Photograph by Ms Pailee Helms

BUT WAIT!!! ……. I have to admit that during the last month or so, there has been the most remarkable change in Her Grace’s attitude towards me. Firstly, and not perhaps always welcome, is that she now follows me everywhere I go! Once she showed no interest where I was in the house or garden. But now, for example, if she has been given her food, she will stop devouring it should I leave the room and search for me!  Once she has learned where I am, she will return to her food and continue her devouring! Should I walk out of the house and go to collect the post from the mailbox, she insists on coming to. She will not leave the confines of our garden, but will wait at the gate and watch until I return and close the gate where upon, she will walk with me back to the house.

An amazing change? Almost unbelievable! And this now raises the question: Is this really the same dog that once had no interest in where I went? Perhaps THE REAL GRAND DUCHESS OF CUMBERLAND COUNTY  has been beamed up into an alien space craft and swept away to a distance Galaxy (far-far-away!) by aliens and a more friendly replica has been left in her place! Should this be true, I am certain that she is now in-charge of the planet and has arranged its daily life to suit her needs. If this fantasy were true, I would like to think that Mr. Spock acts now as her aide-de-camp!

Her Grace now often accepts siting on my lap for a greater period of time and also appears to enjoy being stroked by me. Stroking is now encouraged by her to continue for longer periods of time. Sadly, I am now the one to bring a halt to such activity. However, what perhaps gives Her Grace her greatest pleasure is being dried when wet either from bathing or from the rain.

Her Grace loves going into the garden and running around when it is raining …. the harder the rainfall, the better! On walks she enjoys splashing through puddles, and unlike Casanova/Puppy, does not mind getting her paws dirty, something that he used to hate!

Frank Sinatra (1915-1998) – The Lady is a Tramp

Buddy Greco (1926-2017) – The Lady is a Tramp

The song was written in 1937 by Richard Rodgers (1902-1979) & Lorenz Hart (1895-1943)
for the musical, Babes in Arms

When Her Grace returns to the house, she is literally dripping wet. However, this does not seem to bother her in the slightest. Following a good and long shake, she now wants to be dried, a process that she really seems to enjoy. I drape a white towel across my knees, pick up the wet Duchess, and cover her, save her face, in the toweling.  It amazes me that she seems happy and content being dried in this manner.  The towel has a story of its own since I was given it when visiting Australia and traveling across the country from Sydney to Perth on The Indian Pacific train.

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